Wednesday, April 29

Okay… I’m calm now… I just ate 2 snitzel sandwiches and I got my coffee cup filled (don’t even dare!) so I can make myself comfortable in my bed and start writing ^___^

See? This is exactly why I hate leaving my house… every time I go on the streets, I risk losing nerves… >.< stupid drivers, stupid stoplights… >.< I went to my sister’s just to find out that she and her husband are in a stupid fight over who took the kid to the kindergarten more times… >.< and then I went to the library… unfortunately, this time I didn’t borrow any Stephen King book… though I really wanted to read Lisey’s Story, but he lost to Salman Rushdie and Harry Potter ^__^ and I took the minibus home and the only thing I kept repeating in my mind was please let me make it home alive! >.< Crazy idiotic driver!!!!! I think he’s seen The Fast and the Furious way too many times… (oh yeah! I really liked The Fast and the Furious 4! Though it seemed too similar to the second one…. =___= either way, I enjoyed it ^____^)

but I guess your main point was that everything and everyone’s fake… you can’t trust anyone you can only meet online and that you can’t build a friendship based on the www.

Uh… now my mind’s a blur… I forgot what I wanted to say… I guess it’s just that… “real life” relationships are just as overrated as the online ones are underrated… it’s sometimes easier to confide in someone you don’t know and that you know you may never meet. I learned the hard way that everything must come to an end and it always does… it’s easier to make online friends, cause no matter how well you get to know each other, the separation is not as hard as with a real life friend… being betrayed or abandoned by someone who you thought was your best friend, someone in whom you completely believed, is so damn painful… I still dream about her from time to time… I dream that she’s back… that she wants us to be close again… I dream that she’s a few meters away from me but I can never see her face… I don’t know where she is or what she’s doing… she appeared online a few days ago so I guess she’s still alive… and that’s all I know…

I’ve been used and taken advantage of and betrayed and abandoned by “friends” so many times that I had decided at one point not to let myself believe in anyone ever again. Not to open myself to anyone, not to trust anyone… but I don’t want to be like them… so I will continue to offer my friendship and all the feelings that come along with it to anyone who will accept them ^___^ I guess those silly internet quizzes aren’t that silly after all… I really am an idealist. I don’t expect people to change for the better and I don’t expect to make any difference by being true to how I think and feel, but as they say… prepare for the worst, expect for the best, so I will keep on hoping and believing that maybe there is someone out there who is really worth the time and effort ^____^ remember Nida? Or Hime… or Ocho… Ojou-chan as you called her… as far as I remember… she was a handful… she’s more complicated and twisted than I am, and still… I refused to let go… I believed in her and I still do. I believe that she can get over all she’s been through and that she’ll make it just fine. ^___^